Friday, October 31, 2008

Seinfeld Post

This will be my Seinfeld post , a bunch of random stuff that I'm mulling over.

Tonight is Halloween. This means hoards of greedy minions knocking on my door for overpriced goodies. What happened to the days of Popcorn Balls?

OR Apples? What little kid didn't want a nice juicy HEALTHY apple? Freakin Hippy 1970's parents are the ones that did this, we knew who they were and avoided their house.

We knew who had the good stuff, and spread the word to other Trick or Treaters, avoid X house go straight to Y's house, Don't stop at A, go nextdoor to B. Simple and strategic for a bunch of 10 year olds in plastic costumes without flashlights.

Remember when we were guilted in to collecting money for UNICEF? How freakin lame is that? WE had to sell Pepperoni, magazines, Candy already. Hey Mister, thanks for the itty bitty mars bar, now can ya spare some change? No thanks. I was on a mission and pennies for 3rd world kids was not it.

Remember when you could go with friends and not have to have a parent with a flashlight, extra glow sticks and mace spray to accompany you on your treat wielding run for sugar high euphoria?

I sure do, my parents not once went with me, often I went alone or with a friend or two. I didn't have to have the candy police rummage through my vast treasure of popcorn balls and Chocolate bars. Then something happened. Society made us fearful, Bad people made us rethink our safety and something fun became the equivalent of OSHA for Kids. Nice.

Plastic Costumes went by the way side for Non Flammable material, not to exceed a certain length for fear of tripping in front of a car full of other kids and getting run over by the Mom with the mace. Masks with eye slits are replaced with Face paint, for God Forbid your kiddos peripheral vision could become obscured in the dark rainy night as they scurry up countless driveways and front stoops, this could become a lawsuit waiting to happen. Is your insurance updated folks? Homemade Candy is frowned upon and often thrown away and the preferred method of blood money is bagged commercial candy bites that you have to eat 20 of to get that high, but I digress.

Now let's get onto to manners. I will have to say most of the little ghosts have manners are so cute I wanna squeeze them till they pop. BUT... there are the select few little beggar ghosts( mostly demonspawn, I mean boys ages 9 to 12) that I want to grab and drag back to their Mace weilding Mom and remind them that just because you throw some stupid mask on, carry a glow stick, and brought your nasty little kid brother ghost with you, you do not get to be RUDE and demand more or a different kind more to your liking or BS me that you need more for your handicapped sister in the Mini Van. I gave you candy, you got what you came for, now say thank you and SCRAM and don't trip down my driveway on your way out. The cute tiny little 3 year old girl in the ladybug costume? I gush, and literally throw my whole bowl in her bucket.

We also bring all pets inside, no furry kid gets to go outside until morning. Hard and Fast rule. July 4th and Halloween, no exceptions. So every Ding Dong of the doorbell is met with a fervent tail wagging and joyful bark for the visitors from the resident Labrador.

Now, Im done ranting, I need to go scurry and buy enough candy for the little ghosts, and plan for Stars Halloween Costume for next year. She's going to love it.


An American's Observations said...

You are two funny hon. I had a good time on our date. Love you.

Kathi said...

Cute and funny Jocelyn. My husband got so tired of big huge kids coming to our door that he had a separate bowl he used for them. Their bowl had onions, mushrooms and peppers in it. He tossed them in so fast that they had no idea until they got home, what delights were in their bag from our house. Ha. Happy Monday.


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