Step 2: Tie her to single tie, not cross ties. Will stand like a statue in single tie. CHECK
Step 3: Go get Shop Vac, realize cord is too short, search for 10 minutes for ext. cord. Realize all I had to do was move horse to the right where plug in are. DUH.... See above Stars back? Yeah, I'm brilliant like that. CHECK CHECK
Step4: Stop what you are doing, smoke break, and call Blanket Lady and tell her you will be giving her disgusting stable blanket tomorrow. CHECK.
Step5: Attach new smaller attachment thingy. Realize it may still suck itself to her butt. Dammit. CHECK
Step 6: Considering another smoke break, this is a lot of work so far. Press on. CHECK
Step 7: Turn on Vac and start at the super scratchy spots. Watch mares eyes roll back and lip move. Wipe the white stiff hairs out of my lip gloss for the umpteenth time. CHECK.
Step 8: Take Potty break and hurry because it's cold in the porta-john in the dark. CHECK
Step 9: Work down to the withers, back and hiney. See the dirt rolling itself into the hose. Kick self for not buying the vac sooner. CHECK
Step10: Under NO circumstances allow vac to suck itself to the flank or soft underbelly. This is mandatory if you want to make the Shop Vac remains your mares friend. One sucky suck to the flank and well, you paint the picture. CHECK
Step 11: Vacuum yourself occasionally as this process will cause stiff hairs to fly around and cling to you like Velcro. Forgo the lip gloss or chap stick this will cause nothing but grief. Wearing Black is also not a good idea if you have a white horse. Once again my brilliance is really shining through here. CHECK
Step 12: Sit back smugly as you have just sucked 5 pounds of hair and dirt into the vac and it took all of about 5 minutes. AWESOME... Revel in the fact you spent 30 bucks, plus 5 for the new attachment thingy and mare almost looked well... relaxed afterwards. She luuuurves herself some Shop Vac! I hope you found this helpful.!