I've been "outed"

Blogger Peeps get out your Depends because you are going to laugh so hard you will most definitely wet your pants.
This is me sitting on the bench for the first two innings. I have yet to prove myself, so I expected as much. This is proof to Shawn I was actually playing softball at a softball field. Not out drinking with JP2 and BBFF whilst he is in Oklahoma.

OK so onto my story: Ready? It's a doozy...

So I answer an ad in Clist for a women's softball team, I may or may not have read the entire AD, but that is besides the point now.

So I show up for practice on Thursday with make up on, my big pink bag, sparkly hat and glasses, ponytail the whole nine yards. I'm pumped and ready to play.

I'm rocking the ponytail by the way.

Anywho, I take a gander at my fellow players and realize something odd. I am the only one with a pink bag, make up and ponytail. Getting my drift so far?

These ladies are wicked cool and just great players. Yet still I'm singing the song in my head " which one of these just doesn't belong?"

So, I'm accepted into the realm... Then I get the schedule emailed to me. Then it hits me like a lightning bolt and I quote.

NO GAMES SCHEDULED FOR 6/14 for Gay Pride Weekend.

HOLY SH**, I have just joined a Gay and Lesbian Softball League !!!

Now for those who know me, this is really funny because I'm relatively clueless and have zero gaydar.Even my lesbian friend was cracking up at the thought of me out there saying to myself.

Why does everyone have short hair? What's up with the hairy legs?

So she promised me that she would take me to one of the games on her big , loud motorcycle and come watch me play a game or two so I can get some street cred with the other players. Cuz, that's how I roll......

IN fact, I like it as they are hard core players and thats what I love. No crying in baseball !

So I am the token lipstick lesbian as of today.

So what is even funnier is that we were given " cards" from the Rose City Softball League , kind of like a Membership ID. Free beer at gay bars( I wonder if shawn is with me I will still get the beer), discounts for gear. etc.

SO LADIES I AM NOW AND OFFICIAL CARD CARRYING MEMBER!!!!

So go change your pants and have a great Easter!

Hugs and Love from the OUTED SIDE!

I brought it , then it left!

So , I tried out for an all women's softball team tonight.
I wanted to join an all women's team and at 40 most teams are either HARD CORE FAST BALL, or Co-ED. Neither of which I was interested in!

I brought my hustle! My Game! My Mojo! My cat like reflexes.

Then as the evening went on it was more like meander, then on to mosey, then onto look there goes the ball ......

I am clearly 40 and my inner athlete has moved on elsewhere.

But I am on the team and we have our first scrimmage on Saturday.

I made a joke about " after game ALEVE Cocktails" , most of us agreed it was a good idea !

Now, I'm off to bed to find my heating pad !!!

Drill Team Practice

Last night I went with my friend T to go watch HER drill teams practice. Our former BO and trainer is on the team. Besides Star I have never watched her ride a Stock horse. You would think after all these years she would get over the fact I have the camera out all the time!

Clearly Not....

The banging you hear is a child that was unattended and decided to bang his boots on the metal bleachers every time I got out the camera or was talking on my cell phone. Up and down bang bang bang. I wanted to lock him in the horse trailer so bad. Is that wrong?

Now I know why gerbils eat their young.

I would love to be on this team but practice is very far and I have a job that requires me to be there ALL DAY!

til next time COWGIRLS!

What a busy weekend!

Things are never dull at the Payne household. Saturday was shopping at Goodwill, Michael's and Safeway. Then Shawn and I went to Petsmart for a new poop scooper size XXL Very romantic Saturday evening !
Then that night was cupcake making for my contest winner. I like them to be fresh !
Logen was doing the frosting and decorating part. He wants to join the Army to go to culinary school.



We made a huge mess , but the end result was fantastic.

Do they not look fabulous? Well, since I wasn't able to hook up with my winner to give her these, these will have to be sacrificed. I will make her fresh ones when she has free time. Triple Dark Fudge with Cream Cheese Frosting. TO DIE FOR. Zero Calories. In between baking I was making jewelry/zipper pulls. I'm becoming so Martha these days. Now if I only had her money the things I could do and make!

So today was more laundry, go give Star her shots, clean the fish tank, go to spin class, pick up a million piles of poo in my yard and update the blog.. I'm exhausted !

I'm so grateful to GOD it's finally going to be Spring soon!

Warning PSA and GRAPHIC.

I was directed to this person via RedDunAppy
as a contact to help me with Sis and her hooves.

When I went to the site I saw this post. As most of my blogger peeps and family knows I and Shawn are completely OCD about trailer safety, that's why she has never ridden in my trailer as it needs work and isn't baby safe yet. I hope he doesn't mind me re-posting it because I think it's an important PSA. Do they make bubble wrap for horses?

THIS IS GRAPHIC, I kid you not. So I urge all of you to do a complete once over this weekend of anything that could possibly do damage to the pony. The poor owner and what she and her kiddos must be going through. I pray for them and Fancy. I would be in the loony bin if this ever happened to me. It could happen to any of us at anytime.

Do not look at this while eating.


http://hoofrecovery.blogspot.com/

They should be insured by Lloyds of London

These legs are my constant concern, see how itty bitty those hooves are? They are attached to a huge almost 16 hand 1100 pound attitude. She has typical TB feet, thin hoof walls way too small for her size, you name it.

Here is the culprit hoof, see the silicone? Her toes were the most bruised and her heels were too short. The angles were way off from what the previous farrier had them for the last year. I know every farrier has an opinion and certain way of doing things, but with Stat we have to keep what works.

She holds her foot up all the time, it's a nervous vice of hers, makes it easy when you want to take pics!

Here is after, pad, pine tar, wider shoe and he left some of the silicone because it was necessary for her heel support.

The other hoof was also bruised and had a hot nail. It was just a cluster **** all the way around. She is not easy to keep sound and any slight changes in her routine this is what happens. It's so frustrating. So I called the farrier she's always had and pleaded my story and he came right out.

The first thing he said to me on the phone was " OMG did they cut off her heel?" Yep...

So he posed for this shot if I promised to put it on the blog... So here is the gratuitous bee hind shot. So he fixed her right up, I paid him cash, bought him a sammich and thanked him. She had a huge dose of bute and by the time he was finished she was walking normally, still sore but at least walking. Thank you Jesus I can sleep tonight.

Star says thank you to all of those thinking good thoughts and prayers her way.

This face is saying "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh that feels better Mamma"

So I didnt have to go all Ninja and show off my mad kill BILL skills.

She's dead lame

I am completely freaking out.
Sis is lame. I mean painful tip toe lame.

The farrier who is on my sh** list at the moment, whom I felt did not take my concerns on Monday seriously. I felt like he was treating me like an over anxious Mamma.
DUH! That's exactly what I am !
I said I would call Wednesday if she was worse. Not only is Sis worse she is 10x worse.
Heat, pulse and cant pivot and stands on her tip toe kind of worse.

He cut back the bars and filled in the void with an acrylic, I was skeptical but felt assured it was going to do her good to get us over the contracted heel so we can eventually go barefoot. I am a believer in barefoot ponies, but Sis has always had troublesome feet and when we were on a good time frame to take the shoes off for good, we may have taken a few steps back. DAMMIT!

Well, he is coming back out tomorrow and he needs to pray I've calmed down.
There are few things that make me lose sleep and anything that has to do with her being in pain, stress or discomfort keeps me awake all night. I am her keeper and I take it seriously.
You hurt my girl , I kick your ass.

Well, time for bed so I can lay there and pray that I don't have to go all Ninja tomorrow.